A Sociopath must control all aspects of your being. This means he must control your friends, acquaintances, and family.
Why would a Sociopath want to control your social environment? To leave you isolated, dependent and relying upon him only, and despondent and left alone when his crazy-making starts so that you have few support lines to grab onto.
This also keeps his Sociopath Mask hanging on by a string when the mask begins to slip off, or when things fall apart for him in yet another relationship: “It’s her, not me. Her family hates her, she has no friends, no one likes her.”
I lived in peace in my condo before MS (My Sociopath, Kenan Umit) and when he moved in with me, everything fell apart.
I would catch him in a lie, he would lie on top of that lie, I would question him further, he would dramatically run out of my condo with head lowered, hunched over, tugging at the few strands of his bald head and inevitably would run into a neighbor and proceed to act confused and exasperated.
My neighbor would be forced to ask what happened (well there was no choice, a bumbling, drama-queen idiot was standing there) and he would of course turn it around on me and act defeated: “I can’t win, I work so hard, I try so hard” (I’m a victim, have pity upon me)…and of course never mentioning anything about his getting caught in yet another lie and act of destruction. A normal person may have muttered: “I messed up, I’m such an idiot.”
MS single-handedly destroyed the entire mood of my neighborhood with his dramatic victimization dance.
Later, my smart neighbors would question my “sanity” for marrying an “old creep.” I wish he were just an old creep; much easier to deal with than a Sociopath.
In addition, a Sociopath will destroy your community network.
I worked in and out of various animal rights/rescue groups my entire adult life. I had no enemies. MS infiltrated this group by offering some of these people extreme favors (he’s a handyman/electronic repair man). Every time I caught him in another trick, he would call one of these people and do his injured cry of defeat.
I was shocked and mortified. My animal rescue network! I pleaded with him: “I’ve worked with these people for years, we WORK together and that is all, these people know nothing of my personal life, please don’t call these people.” He would do it again, and again…
A Sociopath will win the love of your family and tell everyone that your family hates you.
I hadn’t seen my mother in 3-years and hadn’t had a vacation in that long either and my physical health was depleted because of MS’s constant crazy-making. I finally get to go see my mother and of course MS had to tag along. We spent 8 days with my mother but I barely saw her: MS kept us working and doing home repairs the entire time. When we weren’t working, MS was snooping on my mother’s computer while lying to her that he was “fixing it.” (MS is a proud hacker). Of course, I was delighted in the fact that so much work got done for my mother, but confused on why I left “vacation” more exhausted than ever before and my mother and I never had any alone time.
I had no idea what would become of my mother’s home repairs until divorcing MS. MS told everyone that my mother hated me and loved him. But according to MS, everyone of his exes had mothers and families that hated them. MS called my mother during our separation and begged her to “take my side.” Long after our divorce, MS called me to ask: “does your mother still love him?” This literally made my mouth drop open. This is a failed attempt at team-building and the smear campaign wrapped up in one.
Living with and divorcing/separating from a Sociopath is like a war. Look into the past history of your Sociopath: He will always have horrible and crazy relationships and especially the ending of these relationships, will be like an all out war. In any war, there are casualties and some friends, family members and acquaintances may be lost. This is a small price to pay for freedom and eventually peace from your Sociopath.
After any battle, you must retreat. MS caused complete destruction in every aspect of my life (financially, physically, emotionally, socially). I withdrew, licked my wounds and did not chase anyone that MS tried to taint against me. I played it cool. Within a year, almost every person returned to me and said something similar to this: “We’ve been watching you since you left him, you are so much happier, always so friendly and smiling…we realize now that he is crazy.”
This is redeeming and it feels good, but I didn’t need it. I went on to make new friends, build new social circles, and create a new life for myself. It was hard work but that is the price of being in a war: You must recreate yourself; you must rebuild.
Lynna, My Sociopath-Struck by a Sociopath