For many of us who were damaged by a person with a Personality Disorder, we become obsessed with trying to figure out what happened. The tricks, games, deceits, back-stabbings, betrayals, half-truths and overall lack of loyalty, integrity, compassion, and empathy is mind-blowing to a person with a conscience.
On the voyage of discovery, my quest has been to pick through the differences between a Sociopath and someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). However, the line is confusing and blurred with these two disorders because many Sociopaths also have BPD and many with BPD have tendencies toward Sociopath. Of course, every Sociopath is a Narcissist but not every Narcissist is a Sociopath. Oh my, I’m going to leave the Narcissist out of this for now.
Why all the confusion? All these disorders manifest in similar ways: using, manipulating, exploiting, and then destroying the innocent for benefit without conscience. Some of the things that a person with a Personality Disorder seek are sex, money, labor, relief of boredom, to gain attention from the social circle, an easier living arrangement, or just to have a “mommy” to do cooking, cleaning, laundry, and to take care of the home.
Above and beyond the “using” comes the destruction of the “target” via destructive and crazy-making behaviors that ruin the target’s emotional, mental, physical and financial health. For the person with the Personality Disorder, it’s constant drama, attempt to dominate and control by any method possible, and using up and then destroying the intimate partner with the perpetual cry of “I’m a victim, she’s the abuser.”
Being the “victim” serves not only to gain pity and attention but to bait in the next target. The cycle continues for the Personality Disordered.
Now for the subtle differences between a Sociopath and a BPD. I had the honor and privilege of meeting another very disturbed individual after my breakup with My Sociopath. Those of us out of a dangerous relationship often become the target for another predator because we are weakened and vulnerable. Just like in the animal kingdom, the wounded of the herd is the first to be eaten by a predator. I was ripe for the picking. I didn’t hang around long enough to determine if I was dealing with a Sociopath with BPD, but for certain the BPD was emerging almost immediately.
The following similarities between My Sociopath and The BPD MAN are based on my experience and dissection only. I’ve discovered other similarities such as how My Sociopath and The BPD Man pick their targets, but that is for another blog. Though I label some similarities as “dominate” or “control,” and some as “insecurity,” I believe all of these play a factor in each listed and for both disorders; I use the label that was most prominent when it appeared.
1. IMMEDIATELY BECOMING YOUR PERFECT MAN
My Sociopath: Dominance, Control; take away your individuality. “If I become her perfect man by becoming her, she will then yield into me, and I will control every aspect of her being.”
BPD Man: Insecurity, no sense of self: “I must become her perfect man by becoming her, or she will not love me.”
2. GPS TRACKING
My Sociopath: Control method derived from hatred; wants to catch you at something to perpetuate the smear-campaign against you: he’s the “victim” and you are the “crazy” one: “See, I told you. Look at her, she’s doing something bad. I was the good one all along.”
BPD Man: Control method derived from extreme insecurity and delusions: “When I am tracking your movements by GPS, it means that we are connected and therefore you “love” me and I “love” you.
*From the BPD man regarding his married girlfriend (not me; he is a married man with a married girlfriend, I was 3rd down witnessing all this): “My married girlfriend is on vacation with her husband, but since I am watching the GPS tracking of their vacation spot, she is connected to me, therefore she loves me, even though she is in a motel room with her husband.”
3. SPYING ON YOUR PHONE AND COMPUTER
My Sociopath: Dominance and Control: “I had a right to do it, you are my property, you have no right to privacy; I will immediately find something to prove that you are a bad person.”
BPD Man: Insecurity: “I did it because there is no way that you love me and I must find the evidence to prove that I am right.”
4. CONDUCTING A FULL BACKGROUND CHECK ON YOU SOON AFTER MEETING YOU
My Sociopath: To exploit you: “I will find something to use against you so that I can do what ever I want to you, and you will not be able to say or do anything about it because I found (this) against you.”
BPD Man: Excuse for when he sabotages the relationship: “See, I told you that it wouldn’t work out because you have (this) against you.”
One BIG difference between My Sociopath and the The BPD Man that stood out for me, and there are no similarities to be found, is when it comes to “their woman” being around other men:
My Sociopath: Would never share me with another man. Sociopaths must completely control, dominate, and OWN their woman. Another man that came in my sight of vision was a threat to MS’s control and dominance. My Sociopath would say something strange about me to any man that he felt was a threat so the man was afraid to come near me. I was an isolated object only onto him.
BPD Man: No problem in sharing “his woman” (referring to his married “girlfriend”) with another man; in complete denial and is delusional in his belief that the woman is his although she continues to find excuses to stay with her husband. The BPD believes that she couldn’t possibly be sleeping with her husband because of her undying love toward him.
BPD’s find excuses to keep a certain distance from intimate relationships, or to avoid getting too close to someone, though they rationalize they want to fully commit. A married woman is a perfect object of delusional “true love” fantasies for a BPD.
My Summary: I found that The BPD Man was a predator that needed to possess, control, manipulate and dominate, but with more insecurity, delusions, and less control over his methods.
My Sociopath is insecure but his methods of control and dominance were more cunning, deceptive, refined, developed, sinister, evil and better executed so as to leave the target shocked and immobilized and his enablers believing his stories of “victimhood” once again.
Lynna, My Sociopath – Struck by A Sociopath